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It turns out I did, thank fucking God.

Loved one,

Never have I wrote with such a heavy heart, If by any chance my words find you, I hope they find you in bliss.I know everything I say might feel meaningless, repeated, powerless and desperate, for the time being its the only way I can lift this heavy pain of my heart.
There is no deeper meaning to anything, as if nothing was true, nothing harmful that I’ve said, except for one thing, that you we’re indeed the love of my life, my pure morning, my dearest creature in creation, my partner in crime…In our short time together I have lived for a thousand years, felt the entire Universe, and died.
I am sorry I wasn’t prepared for a presence like yours, for the warmest heart.I am sorry I was afraid for exposing my deepest fears to you, to open up completely…that’s not what I am, I am so much more but yet, nothing without you.I’m sorry for my incompetence that I have given proof of, I’ve waited so much for you to appear, made so many plans, never said the right words.
Cloudless is my one true vision about the world, that you were the truth and answer to all my questions, in this cold empty space, I am sorry for not being the better man, for bringing you into confusion, for not telling what I truly meant.Sorry will never be enough, for our time together is over..
I am sorry that I’ve wanted so much attention, I was jealous of every second we didn’t spent together, I was jealous of the Moon for she shared your beauty, I was jealous on the very air I breathe, for it was stealing your scent off my soul.I am sorry for all the reflections you didn’t saw in my eyes, but yet, most of all, I am grateful.
…for your shy first kiss on my neck, for the fist time you gazed upon me, for the first time you picked me up and dragged me out of the Hell I was living in, for showing me colors I could never see again, for your eyes that could melt the hardest rock, but mostly, for loving me.
Despite everything that’s been said and done, I will relentlessly search for you in the Ether of my future life.
Nothing will ever bring peace to my heart until I’ll hold you in my arms again.
With eternal love,
Rupert Timothy Belmondo Quattrostagioni.

Out of all things you’ve ever done, this was the cuntiest 🙂

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2000, thank you.

Plume

Never ending, sorrows of the past,

Closely reaching the dreams of a child,

Regardless of the clouds that won’t last,

I wish we had a pain less mild.

 

We forgot about may, we also skipped June,

I’m short in words, you’re lost in plume.

 

 

Hi

Marean, cosmonautul.

Jurnal de bord – ziua 10585.

Sistemul de navigare : on-line
Sistemul de detectare a formelor de viata: on-line.
Radarul indica un semnal ce vine de la 16 kilometrii, pe o planeta mica si albatra.
Sunt prea departe de casa si prea plictisit de aceleasi corpuri ceresti pe care le vad de ani incoace, am sa investighez.
Mi-am pregatit toate manevrele de aterizare, a fost mai usor decat credeam, avand in vedere atmosfera violenta a planetei.Locul asta este un mormant, plin de munti mohorati pictati in toate nuantele de gri.Era de asteptat.
De ce planeta avea o aura albastra inca nu mi-am dat seama.
Dupa lungi ore de cautare, am decis ca e timpul sa plec, incercand sa scurtez drumul, ma trezesc intr-o poiana compus doar din copaci morti.Unul singur avea o floare.Dialog:
-Buna, numele meu este Marian, vesnic ratacitor in Universul marunt, ce-i cu tine?
-Astept…
-Daca tot nu mi-ai spus numele tau, pot afla macar ce anume astepti?
-Sa se intoarca…
-Nu am sa intreb cine, e destul de evident, zi-mi de ce mai stai aici…
-Astept sa infloreasca totul…
-Atata timp cat tu te ofilesti, dupa ceva ce nu mai e aici, locul asta va ramane vesnic mort, iar tu pari mai vie decat tot ce am vazut pana acum, inflorind tu, lumea asta s-ar inverzi!Dar trebuie sa te dai jos din copacul asta prihanit, sa iti infingi adanc venele in pamant, si zambind, sa dai nastere luminii.
-Nu pot acum, o sa mai astept.
-In regula, eu merg sa pornesc nava spatiala, ramas bun!
-..

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

-De ce mai esti aici, ce faci?Ai spus ca pleci!
-Am setat nava pe pilot automat, oricum nu gaseam nimic eterul de afara, chiar daca nu fac parte din lumea asta, am decis sa raman aici, macar sa nu te simti singura.

“Habar nu aveam, ca in fata ochilor ardea primul carbune din  focul ce va mistui totul”

Momentul in care fruntea ei mi-a atins marginea cotului, am simtit cum lumea este divizibila cu cifra trei, si ploaia nu mai conteaza.
Fiind de o frumusete deosebita, tinutul de mana nu mai parea la fel de greu, totodata era stanjenitor.Imi era dor de ea chiar si atunci cand mergea pana la toaleta, iar eu sugeam dintr-o sticla de bere, asteptand sa se intoarca, sa ma inec in privirea ei.Care nu era a mea, nici macar zambetul ei pueril, apartinand unuia care se invartea aleatoriu in jurul Soarelui.Ploaia nu mai conteaza.
Remarcasem cu stupoare ca acum ceva vreme ma aflam in acelasi loc, dar la alta masa, simtind acelasi lucru, si de data asta berea era blonda, ca neagra nu mai aveau.Cineva a facut inventaru la bar prost, la fel ca mine, cand mi-am dat seama ca am parte periodic de transpiratie in palma.Si imi mananca visele, iar visele imi sunt ani cand imi e aproape.Mirosul ei il pot confunda doar cu umbra unui nufar in lumina apusului, si chipul ei radiaza lumina care aprinde intreg Universul, din cele mai intunecate locuri, si completeaza recele absolut.

-Marean, din partea mea si din partea firmei iti urez un esti cel mai mare prost.

This guy.